Hello friends. I'm glad you are here, and I'm glad I can take this moment to talk to you about something very serious in my life.
My Call of Duty montages have always been a way to express my life without actually telling anybody anything that has happened. They have been a way to relieve stress while looking at what my life is and how to continue on. They all have a special meaning that is indicative of my life.
But there is something about them that haunts me to this very day. And today, I need to share it with you, because it is a story worth telling.
It is time for you all to learn the truth behind my montages.
All of my montages, when I made them, were indicators of my life at that point. They showed my emotions, my attitudes, and what was going on around me at the time when I made them. But something unbelievable has happened with all of them, something that I cannot explain. Something that I put in them, some weird message that goes across the screen or some idea that the montage focuses on, always comes true. Its a phenomenon I can't possibly explain.
I am not going to describe any events in my life specifically, but I'm going to try to describe what I am talking about with each of my montages.
Choose Your Fate: This was created at a turning point of my life. I had to choose what I wanted to do with myself, and where I wanted to go. Shortly after this montage was created, my life flipped upside down and I found myself around different people in a different kind of life. I never would have imagined how drastic my life was going to change.
UNNATURAL: This was created at a time where I felt indestructible. I felt I was different, unique, but in a way that I was better than everybody else. There was something inside of me telling me that in life I would succeed and be far greater than all of my friends. Shortly after this was created, I took a massive, massive hit to my self-esteem, and through that came Fading Away.
Fading Away: This was created when I realized that all of my friends were in the same bottomless hole that I was in. I took the role of being the one who would fix everything when I started to realize that together we could overcome. Shortly after this was created, my friends were split in half, and I chose sides.
(L.E.D., explained below)
Survival Story: This was created at a time of fake stability for me. I thought I finally had everything figured out when really I was about to lose everything. The video itself was about looking back on all that I had been through, and being surprised that I was still alive to talk about it. Shortly after this, I lost almost every friend I have ever had.
The Cleansing: This was created as a release from all of the artificial things in my life. I was saying a last goodbye to my friends, because I realized that all they did was cause me to degrade myself. Without them, my life suddenly became my own, and I realized how lucky and prosperous I was. The last part of the video was my realization that no matter what I did, my memories would still haunt me. Shortly after this was made, the biggest transformation of my life was completed. I realized the my memories are a part of who I am, and I was finally able to accept them and move on, and live a happy, carefree life. I also realized shortly after that I did miss one of the friends who abandoned me. But just one.
Saving The Unwilling: This one is hard to talk about. It's not even completed yet and it has already made a drastic affect on my life. The idea of the montage was this idea that saving the unwilling is what's important, and that it is impossible to save somebody until they discover on their own that they need to be and desire to be saved. Just a few days ago, I found out that one of the biggest influences on my entire life was a liar. A fraud. I felt so many inspirational things that he taught me about my life and how to live it go down the drain, and I suddenly felt hopeless.
And now, the most shocking one of them all, and the best of them all, L.E.D. Listen, Embrace, Dance the tears away. This was created at a middle point in my life where I had nowhere to go. I was utterly lost, using things such as music and video games to keep my mind focused on surviving and nothing else. I couldn't bear to go another day where something went wrong and something changed for the worst. I wanted out of my life and thrown into a different one. The first part of the video was about a girl that shortly after the video I started dating. She eventually ruined what I thought was important in my life and led me to make several bad decisions.
And now for that something that everybody has asked me about over and over: ThePreciousOne.
I have told a few people who ThePreciousOne is. I told them that she was a symbol for negativity in my life. She would attack me, and force me to do things I would think to regret in the future, and lure me into losing friends and losing myself. She would cause me to forget who I was and become something I'm not in the hopes that I could change.
I lied.
ThePreciousOne is, in fact, one specific person. This person was not evil, but they had a huge impact on my life. It scared me to think that the impact was so big that I couldn't focus on the rest of my life. There was something about them that didn't set right with me. Everybody talked against them. The things that I heard were devastating, and through it all I got a sense of pure evil coming from them. I created an icon of them, named it ThePreciousOne, an evil entity in my life, and designed a script where they said "I won't end this now. But mark my words. You will be mine."
A long while after L.E.D., I fell madly in love with ThePreciousOne. And I still am. ThePreciousOne is Jenn.
It is scary to think that montages, videos of a video game, could have such an eerie effect on my life. But, as you can see, it's frightening how true each one has become. Mere words in the videos have become words that my life has gone by, whether or not I meant them to.
Thank you for reading this, and thank you to those who have been here since Choose Your Fate and before. I am unbelievably grateful to you.
<3 death
Subject: A Serious Look Into My Life 
